


Fate of the Force

by LindsilooWho



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Non-Canonical Character Death, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), Romance, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, TROS re-do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:21:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21978040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindsilooWho/pseuds/LindsilooWho
Summary: “I know most of you thought that I was stubborn enough to outlive the stars themselves, but sometimes, death can bring hope to those who need it most. This is a new age for you all and you are ready to burn down the tyranny that rains throughout our galaxy. Your day is coming soon and, I promise, my death won’t be in vain.” Leia paused and reached towards R2. The image crackled out and was instantly replaced with another image of Leia, this time her hair mussed, and she looked more tired than before.“I have placed information vital to the survival of the Resistance in to this R2 unit. He will know what to do with it once this hologram has ended.” She leaned forward and heaved a sigh.“My dear friends, I will never truly be gone. As long as you keep fighting for freedom and peace, as long as wherever you go, you ignite that spark of hope within the hearts of those you meet, I will never be gone, and one day, I will see you again. May the Force be with you, always."
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first attempt at writing a fiction in over 15 years. I welcome any and all critique as long as it is respectful.

# Chapter One

The chronometer’s incessant ticking had been keeping her up for hours and, by now, she could already see the light peeking in through her tiny window. She lay awake in her bed, entangling her fingers in the sheets, breathing deeply, and thinking of things long since passed.

It had been three years since the battle on Crait. Three years since Rey last felt the inexplicable Bond that connected her and Kylo Ren across the galaxy. Occasionally, she could vaguely tell when his emotions were running high or when he was furious, but there was no contact. It was strange to her, still, that she found herself longing to hear his voice and share his mind. The intimacy of it was still foreign as she had known so little attention as a child on Jakku. Though she couldn’t recall their faces, she now knew that her parents cared far more about drinking and gambling money than they did their own daughter. When the dark Knight first revealed this to her, she pushed back against it, willing it to not be true. She knew, however, deep down, that it was. She was nothing. She came from nothing. Yet, here she was, on a secret Resistance base hidden within the mountainous peaks of a planet completely opposite the one she thought she would never leave.

So many people were gone now and her significance within the Resistance had magnified ten-fold since her first rescue mission. This morning, she, Finn, and Poe had the difficult and heartbreaking task of coordinating the funeral details for the heart and sole of the Resistance; General Leia Organa.

Rey heaved a shuddering sigh and abandoned any hope of sleep. Truthfully, she hadn’t slept well since the news of Leia’s passing made it back to base. Everyone was in shock and dealt with the loss in their own way. Finn had almost immediately excused himself to be with Rose, who had spent her life serving the cause in any way she could. The two were already inseparable, but now, no one joked or poked fun in a lively manner when they were seen together. Poe had stood in silence for a moment as his eyes, unblinking, fell red and wet with tears. Suddenly, he lashed out and threw his blaster and tool case at the nearest X-wing, screaming in an anguished fit of rage. BB-8 had retrieved a small piece of the ship and brought it back to his master’s side, nudging him and trilling out a sad set of mechanical beeps. Poe heaved a sigh, as if to compose himself, and disappeared amongst the battered ships where he remained. Rey did her best to quell the sorrow and unrest that swept over their small group of rebels as her friends tended to their own emotional wounds. In that instant, she had become the last beacon of hope for the Resistance.

Daylight was pouring into her window now as Rey dragged her feet out from beneath the warmth of her covers and got dressed. She felt hollow and cold, as if someone had painfully removed her will to keep moving and left her soul lying open and raw.

”Keep it together, Rey. Everyone is looking to you for strength.”

A set of old, worn out books sat on the edge on a chair near the bed. Since Luke was gone and Leia was untrained in the Force, Rey was left without a teacher to guide her along the path to the Light. Rey had scoured their pages hundreds of times to glean as much information on the Jedi as possible. Desperate for answers, she picked up the closest book and opened to the first page. The Jedi Code was there, laid out in front of her in a clear and refined form of handwriting.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._  
_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._  
_There is no passion, there is serenity._  
_There is no chaos, there is harmony._  
_There is no death, there is the Force._

Emotion. Ignorance. Passion. Chaos. Death. All these things that made up her entire world within the Resistance. Death seemed to find them at every turn and was usually surrounded by chaos. Passion was what Leia would try to instill in the hearts and minds of those about to face uncertain odds. Try as she might, ignorance plagued her as there was so much that the ancient Jedi texts could not teach her. And, emotions were her glue. Her entire existence now revolved around emotion. Truthfully, it was how she summoned the Force to her will. It was also how she managed to connect with Kylo Ren. She felt her heart ache for the Bond they shared and the humming of the Force between them like a blazing lightsaber. Something stirred far, far off in her mind and Rey began to tremble as Poe and Finn came to greet her solemnly.

“Okay, the three of us are going to give General Leia the sendoff of the centur-" Poe broke off as Finn back-handed him in the stomach with a nod towards the young Jedi.

Rey had gone as still as stone and was barely breathing. A glazed look fell upon her eyes.

_“What news of the Resistance, have you, Hux?” His deep base thrummed in her mind, sending a tingle down her spine._

_“Supreme Leader Ren, we have confirmation that a small squadron of Tie-fighters managed to take out a transport ship carrying supplies for the Resistance. “_

_There was a pause in which Kylo gripped the hilt of his lightsaber and turned to face the man._

_“I have told you on numerous occasions to only disturb me if there has been significant progress made towards locating their base, have I not?” Anger came off him in waves as he summoned the Dark side to drag Hux out of the room by the ankles._

_“But sir! The significance lies within the death of those on board the transport!”_

_What little patience Kylo had was gone. The red-haired man was suddenly lifted by his crisp-collared shirt and dangled high in the air._

_“Then get to the point, you mindless fool. I don’t have time for your unintelligent word vomit!”_

_“My Lord- “Hux managed between gasps. “The dead- your mother- Leia Organa!”_

_Darkness swelled around the Knight as he shoved the pathetic man against the far wall. Silence fell upon the room._

_“My mother is dead?” He breathed._

_Hux nodded, unable to speak._

_Kylo turned away, pure, unbridled emotion spilling forth. He ignited his lightsaber, the crackling red blade a stark contrast to the dim lights around him. An inhuman, deafening cry was ripped from Kylo’s chest just as he fell to his knees._

Across the stars, Rey felt a shift deep within the Force before all went black.


	2. Chapter Two

The sound of shuffling feet and hurried whispers were the first thing that Rey became aware of as she waded through the darkness that had descended upon her mind so suddenly.

“Rey!” She felt a slap against her cheek but could not yet open her eyes.

“C’mon, Beautiful.” It was Poe Dameron. Charm like that was hard to come by in a galaxy as large as this one and he had it in spades.

“I’m fine.” She managed, “and don’t call me that.” A frost pack shot across the room and into the young Jedi’s hand with little effort.

Poe rolled his warm brown eyes as a smile teased at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, you’re about as ‘fine’ as an unarmed Selkath marooned on Tatooine in the middle of summer.” He took the frost pack from her hand and placed it gently against her forehead. “Will you let someone look after for you for a change, kid?”

Rey summoned all the strength that she could muster and, with one hand, pushed the pilot against the nearest medical droid and grabbed the frost pack out of his hand with the other as she walked passed him.

“Absolutely not, Dameron. Not when we have such an important task ahead of us.”

The Resistance pilot was at her side within seconds, “Wait, wait, wait… you can’t really think we’re just going to ignore that little episode of yours, do you? You passed out. No, you full-on fainted, Rey. The girl who was mentally tortured by the biggest, baddest bastard in the known galaxy and you didn’t even shed a tear. What could have possibly happened to shut that Jedi mind of yours down like that?”

Pausing for only a moment as they walked to their small strategy hall, “Not here. I don’t want anyone to overhear what I’m about to tell you. Also, where is Finn?”

At that moment, her dear friend came dashing around a corner with a large glass of some sort of fruit juice in hand. “I got it, Poe! Now, let’s see if we can wake her up enough to –, “he broke off when he realized the second person standing in the hallway was, in fact, Rey. A look of confused frustration washed over Finn’s face. “I thought you said that she was going to need a mixture of fruit juices and fire water to shock her system!”

The pilot and Jedi shared a look and Poe just shrugged. “I had to tell you something to get you out of the room, buddy. Rey hadn’t even hit the floor yet and you were in full meltdown mode.” He admitted with a laugh. “You were of absolutely no use to anyone in that state, my friend.”

Poe’s hand came down hard on Finn’s shoulder in playful reassurance as Finn looked slightly self-conscious and took a sip of the drink he had made as if to quench the embarrassment.

Rey only just managed to stifle an affectionate laugh, “Okay, gentlemen, we’ve got work to do.”

____________________________________________________________

The strategy hall was dark and cramped as crate upon crate of miscellaneous Resistance paraphernalia lay stacked on top of each other throughout the room. It was that much more depressing to see so much of their cause shoved away to be forgotten as they were there to plan a farewell to the woman who started it all.

Rey took a deep, calming breath as she and her friends took their seats to begin.

“Ben Solo knows of his mother’s death.” She disclosed before anyone could say anything else.

Finn and Poe glanced at each other before Finn shrugged, “Well yeah, isn’t that something that all you Force-sensitives can feel?”

The young Jedi shook her head impatiently, “Yes, but it’s much more than that. In the last three standard years, I have barely felt Kylo’s presence in my mind, let alone been able to share in an experience like this one. He felt deeply about this success by the hands of the First Order.”

“No doubt some heinous bout of joy that both of his rebel parents are now dead.”

“Or jealousy that he didn’t get to kill her himself.” Added Finn, glaring at his hands.

“No,” she breathed. “He was angry. Incredibly angry. Furious, even. It was hard to tell whether he was angry that Leia had died or the fact that he didn’t give the order to destroy the transport himself.” The Force was thickening around her as she spoke, the slight pressure against her skin was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

“Either way, something shifted deep within the Force. I felt and understood that much.” She shook herself mentally and continued. “Now, on to the unpleasant task at hand.”

Suddenly, Poe leaned back in his chair and groaned loudly, running his fingers angrily through his hair. “I just realized something.”

Finn and Rey surveyed him apprehensively.

“We have nothing to bury. No body and no personal belongings that belonged to her. Leia had taken what little she did own on the journey with her. With Han we had his blaster, and Luke, his broken lightsaber but for Leia, we have nothing.”

Silence filled the room as an overwhelming sense of grief and the suffocating responsibility of it all hit them at once.

Something quiet and calm spoke to Rey through the Force just then, enveloping her in its state of serenity and peace.

_Keep it small. Keep it simple. The R2 unit will know what to do._

Uncertainty washed over her.

“ _What are you?”_

_Trust in the Force, Rey. Trust in it completely._

As suddenly as the feeling hit her, it was ripped away leaving her with a renewed feeling of emptiness. Without hesitation, Rey called for R2 over her commlink.

__________________________________________________________________________________

The small sea before them was cast in a bright orange and pink light from the setting sun and the thick forest behind them was quiet. The native creatures had gathered once word had been sent to the colony that a small band of the Resistance would be journeying there to celebrate the life of General Leia Organa. It was hard to believe that such a massive historical event had occurred here just decades before and, yet, the moon of Endor had stayed relatively quiet and untouched by tyrannical hands.

Rey knew little about the moon outside of what she had learned from her friends within the Resistance, but it was clear that these Ewoks had been deeply touched by Leia and her kindness in the past. They knew that the rebels had their plans to commemorate her, but they insisted that they pay their respects in their own, ancient way as well.

As the sun continued to set behind them, Poe and Rey stood at the waters edge with R2 at their side and an impressive sight before them. Resistance members had donned their best and the entire Ewok colony had gathered in amongst and around them, each holding a tiny stack of twigs, twine, and leaves in their hands. There must have been at least two thousand that she could see and suspected that the lights speckled throughout the forest indicated more who didn’t want to leave the sanctuary of the trees. Suddenly, Poe moved forward and cleared his throat while holding a tiny voice amplifier to his lips.

“We all know why we are here tonight on this beautiful moon, so I won’t state the obvious. I do want to say something, though, and that’s that this just feels all wrong. You know it and I know it. Saying goodbye to a friend is one thing but saying goodbye to the person who inspired you and sparked courage inside of you every time you spoke to her; to the person we all looked to for guidance and reassurance; the person who helped to gather our band of rebels at the very beginning… how does one do that?” Poe shook his head and wiped away tears that hadn’t yet touched his cheeks. “This isn’t meant to make you feel bad or to cry or to get angry or anything like that. Leia wouldn’t want that. We are going to celebrate her tonight, just like we did Han and Luke a few years ago. R2 and Chewie are going to help us do that.” He gestured ahead of him and the crowd parted as R2 came forward with Chewie as his escort. The droid emitted his sad song and the Wookie wiped away silent tears until they arrived at the edge of the sea. It was Rey’s turn to speak. She tapped into her emotions to summon the Force and shut out all other distractions.

“General Leia was a beacon of hope for the Resistance and for all those who struggled to find the strength within themselves to fight back.” Something tugged at the far reaches of her mind through the Force, but she pushed on.

“Personally, I often found myself seeking out her kind heart and no-nonsense approach to get me through my darkest moments and she would embrace me as if she had known me my entire life.” Sadness overwhelmed her along with another emotion; jealousy. Panic-stricken, Rey realized she was no longer the only Force-sensitive on the beach. Somewhere, hidden within the thick branches and surrounded by darkness, was Ben Solo. Immediately, her defenses faltered, and she tried to reach out to him through their Bond.

 _“Stay focused. This is not about you and me_.” He pushed back against her and she felt his end go quiet and still.

Rey gasped as tears spilled forth from her eyes, the full weight of Ben’s emotions along with her own hitting her like a massive sandstorm.

“Though we have nothing of the General’s to burn or bury,” she choked, “R2 has something in mind to send her off properly.” The young Jedi beckoned the droid to the front of the crowd and took her place next to Poe once again, her mind still on the dark Knight within the trees.

R2 made a noise as if to clear his mechanical throat and ignited his thrusters to hover just above their heads. He emitted a few beeps and buzzes before a very young and larger-than-life sized Leia appeared before them sheathed in a hazy blue light.

_”General Kenobi. Years ago, you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack, and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.”_

The hologram went dark momentarily before the General, as they knew her, appeared in her younger self’s place.

“ _Are you recording now, R2?” The droid beeped in acknowledgment. “Alright, here goes.”_

_Leia straightened herself up and flattened her hair before she continued, “My brave Resistance members. If you’re seeing this, that means I’m dead and you are now all looking for someone new to lead you in this continuing war against the First Order and against my son. If I’m right and things haven’t changed much in the ‘new members’ department, then I must tell you this; it is time for you to find the leader in yourselves. Now, don’t take that the wrong way, I’d always assumed Mr. Dameron would continue to lead us in battle and by managing the fleet. What I mean is that you must look within yourself for the strength and courage that I would try to instill in you every day. It’s there in all of you, I know it.” Even in the projection, you could see the glassiness in her eyes and hear the tremble in her voice._

_“I know most of you thought that I was stubborn enough to outlive the stars themselves, but sometimes, death can bring hope to those who need it most. This is a new age for you all and you are ready to burn down the tyranny that rains throughout our galaxy. Your day is coming soon and, I promise, my death won’t be in vain.” Leia paused and reached towards R2. The image crackled out and was instantly replaced with another image of Leia, this time her hair mussed, and she looked more tired than before._   
  


_“I have placed information vital to the survival of the Resistance in to this R2 unit. He will know what to do with it once this hologram has ended.” She leaned forward and heaved a sigh._

_“My dear friends, I will never truly be gone. As long as you keep fighting for freedom and peace, as long as wherever you go, you ignite that spark of hope within the hearts of those you meet, I will never be gone, and one day, I will see you again. May the Force be with you, always.”_

R2 abruptly spun in the air and spoke directly to 3-PO, who had been standing quietly amid the Ewoks to translate for them.

“Goodbye, my friend. It has been an honor and a privilege to stand with you all these years.”

With that, R2 rocketed into the moon’s atmosphere where he exploded in to one massive firework. Again, Leia’s face appeared to them as it had before.

_“My fellow citizens of the galaxy, my name is Leia Organa and I was a member of the Rebel alliance during the time of the Empire and the Resistance against the First Order before my death. I have spent my entire life fighting to rid the stars of oppression and tyranny and I am here to remind you today, to not lose hope. A new age is coming, and we must stand together to see it through. To all of you who feel fear and have nothing left, we are with you. And to my son…”_

Rey felt Ben shudder through the Force at Leia’s shocking call to him.

_“You were born to parents who were easily distracted by politics, warfare, and the ongoing battle to keep peace within the galaxy. I want you know what I should have told you every day then, and what I wish I could tell you face to face now.” The General sighed softly and began to cry._

_“I love you. Your father and I loved you more than you could ever comprehend. Now, this R2 unit has been equipped with atmospheric missiles carrying this message to every star within reach. Before long, the whole galaxy will know how much we both loved you right up until the day we died. Just as we should have done from the beginning. Remember that it’s never too late. May the Force be with you all.”_

As the broken, burning pieces of R2’s body came back down to the moon’s surface, the Ewoks each took their little bundle of twigs, set them alight, and placed them on the water for the tide to drift them out to sea. Before long, it seemed like the entire body of water had turned into a massive twinkling blanket of warmth and hope. Everyone stood together, some holding each other like Finn and Rose, and others alone crying their own tears of grief. Slowly, as the lights of the upon the water were washed out to sea, they rose into the air as if a wind had come up from beneath them and carried them to the stars. Rey thought that it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and slipped away silently as the Ewoks began to chant the ancient words for “friend” and “goodbye” like a sad lullaby.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/27/19 2:36 am
> 
> I've written 3 chapters of this fan fic today. DAMN. I should sleep. Thank you for taking the time to read this! All of your comments and kudos (If I am worthy of either or both) are deeply appreciated and keep me motivated to WRITE. Happy New year to you all. 
> 
> -Lindsay

# Chapter Three

Kylo Ren stood silently just at the edge of the forest about a mile from the beach where the Resistance crowd had gathered. He watched with quiet anguish as the images of his mother vanished into the ether, her last words to him sitting heavily on his heart. He felt angry and numb and broken all at once. As the sky grew dark, the lanterns of remembrance drifted down wind in his direction. The glittering lights coaxing forth old, painful memories he thought he had long since buried when he took up the mantle of Snoke's apprentice. 

_Chandrilla was always serene this time of year. The seasons never drifted too far from perfect. Soft, ocean air filled young Ben Solo’s lungs as he heaved a shuttering breath to calm himself. His mother had called him into their living quarters after a long and particularly trying day of ghosts and visions of darkness. Leia Organa sat solemnly on the edge of their caf table, firmly rubbing her temples as Han crossed the room with barely a glance towards either of them._

_The dark circles under Ben’s eyes had become so much more pronounce over the last few weeks as restful sleep evaded him. His throat felt as dry as the Tatooine deserts in the dry season and, when he tried to speak, nothing came out. Fear and resentment pooled in his stomach as he surveyed his parents. Discourse was common in the Solo-Organa household, whether it be at the hands of his mother and father, or from the constant turmoil he felt within himself. At this very moment, Ben Solo could only clear his throat and swallow a sour, hard lump._

_Two sets of eyes immediately came to settle on him. He looked out of the open blast doors onto the veranda as if avoiding their gaze would spare him feeling his mother’s fear/guilt and his father’s tumbling rage and sadness._

_“Ben,” Leia began, “we know these past few years have been especially difficult for you. Your father hasn’t been around much. Always trapesing after the next adventure- “_

_“Oh please. Like you’ve been any better with your prolonged political garbage.” Han interjected._

_“The point is…” Leia continued with a glare at her partner, “we realize how ill equipped we both are for dealing with your struggles. So, we’ve contacted your Uncle Luke and have persuaded him to take you under his wing. You will begin your Jedi training next week and you will be traveling to Yavin 4 tomorrow morning.”_

_Ben, at the tender age of 10 standard years, knew that this was, for lack of a better phrase, bantha fodder. Fists clenched at his sides, eyes burning with unshed tears, he finally looked back at his parents._

_“You’ve got to be kriffing kidding me,” he spat at them, the darkness enveloping him in its cold embrace._

_“Watch it, kid” Han shot back as he took a step towards his son._

_Ben’s right hand flew up, almost of its own volition, and froze Han where he stood at Leia’s side._

_His mother was quick to respond. Arms raised in a gentle plea, she tried to soothe him, “Ben, you need to calm down, honey.”_

_Betrayal. That was the only thing Ben could think of as he raised his left hand and knocked his mother back against the opposite wall._

_“You call yourselves parents? You think that you’re doing right by me? YOU HAVEN’T EVEN TRIED TO UNDERSTAND ME.” It was then that Ben realized he had begun to cry._

_**They are nothing to you. Weak, undeserving of your love. Fearing you behind closed doors and calling you “monster”. Finish them and meet your true destiny.** The voice was serpentine in nature; dark and alluring. Ben found himself unable to shut it out. _

_He could feel the darkness closing in on the outskirts of his soul. Could feel the heat of it pouring into his fingertips like a sweet, dangerous drug. Just as Ben was about to surrender to it all, a surge of pure, white power bloomed in his heart._

_“Shhhh, it’s all right. I’m here with you.” Came a sweet, gentle voice in his mind, a stark contrast to the only other one he had ever known since birth. Ben’s grip on his parents went slack and they both fell to the floor unconscious. Their son fell to his knees with self-loathing as he began to pound his fists against his skull._

_A calming hand stopped his fist mid punch and Ben Solo looked up in shocked disbelief._

_It was a woman. Younger by the firm gentleness of her touch and the lilt of her voice. She was a haze of white and gold and sunshine and purpose, all wrapped up in the fuzzy form of a dream._

_“Who are you?” Ben whispered, desperately squinting against burning red eyes, tears, and heartbreak to try to bring her more into focus. But no matter how hard he blinked, the figure beside him remained in a state of instability._

_He could feel rather than see the smile she gave him in return, “That’s for another time. For now, I want you to feel my light and find peace.”_

_With strong arms and a warm embrace, Ben was lifted to his feet and guided into his quarters. He could smell her as she helped him into his cot. All sun and warmth and joy; he wanted to bottle it up and save it for ever and ever. She smelled of hope._

_“I don’t want to become a Jedi. I want to be a pilot, like my dad.” His words were small and painfully true. Sleep was already gaining an advantage over his curiosity, his eyes so heavy that he could no longer bother trying to make out who this young woman was._

_Her response was weighted with meaning, “Would you believe me if I told you that you could be both?” She then pulled the blankets up to his chin and tucked a few sweat slick tufts of hair behind his ear. “One thing you will come to learn in time, Ben Solo, is that no one will ever be able to tell you what or who you’re meant to be. Your path isn’t written in stone. It’s in the stars.”_

Reality settled over him like a cold dunk in the fresher and he gasped, stumbling back into the underbrush of the trees. Kylo Ren was unsettled, to say the least, by this intrusion from his past. Ben Solo was dead. The last threads of him had been cut away the moment the scavenger dismissed his proposal on the Supremacy. Why had he come here? What had he hoped to achieve by blatantly disregarding his duties as Supreme Leader, hopping into his Silencer, and traipsing to the other end of the galaxy? To say goodbye to his mother? That name had little meaning to him anymore, if any meaning at all. A sharp twinge in his heart evoked a strangled sob as he stood to take his leave. Kylo took one last look at the velvety black sky and donned his helmet. Just as he had turned to leave, the violent hum of a lightsaber sprang to life behind him.

“Come to gloat?” Rey spat at him.

Heaving a great sigh, Kylo ignored her and began making his way back to his ship. Suddenly, a great wave of the Force smashed into his back and sent him sprawling to the forest floor.

“You kriffing coward! How dare you come here and taint your mother’s memory with your darkness.” She was seething. Anger and hurt were rolling off her Force signature in waves. “She died by your hand! Yours, you monstrous beast of a man child!” She advanced on him, blazing gold lightsaber in hand and fury in her eyes.

The Force caught her mid swing and held her hand aloft as Kylo got to his feet and slowly approached his opponent. Her gaze was hot and fierce, stained wet with her furious tears.

“It never ceases to amaze me how deeply you come to care for people who would offer you up to the First Order without hesitation if it meant ending the war.” His voice modulator made him sound cold and uncaring, for which he was grateful.

This was the first time they had seen each other in 3 standard years. Their shared Bond had been shoved deep into the darkest parts of his mind, walled up, and forcefully forgotten about via hours upon hours of painful self-mutilation. Now, to his chagrin, the Bond was alive and thrumming with purpose once again. Rey had grown in her Force capabilities since Crait and he could feel her grasping for purchase within the confines of his mind. He growled, pushed her back hard with the Force, then turned heel and ran.

Rey’s enraged calls of protest ended abruptly, and he turned, unthinking, back towards her. But she was no longer there. He hesitated for only a moment, but it was a moment long enough for Rey to land gracefully on his shoulders and wrench his helmet from his head. They both tumbled to the ground and rolled effortlessly in to crouched combat positions, Rey’s lightsaber ignited once more.

As if on cue, someone called out for Rey from the beach, but she didn’t seem to hear them. She had paused, presumably to calculate her next move, and then gazed at him, completely taken aback. Straightening herself and disengaging her lightsaber, Rey frowned at him.

“You’ve been crying.” She breathed almost in a sigh of relief.

Kylo righted himself too but did not relax when she brazenly walked towards him and reached out to touch his face. He caught her hand in his much larger one, staring her down with a forced glare. Her brows knitted together in confusion and, interestingly enough, her concern for him seeped through the now parchment thin walls keeping their bond at bay.

“Why are you here, Ben?”

Kylo worked his jaw as his emotions threatened to burst forth like a fountain of betrayal. He was coming undone and the added soothing presence of the scavenger girl wasn’t helping his brittle resolve. Huffing an irritated sigh, the dark Knight released the girl’s tiny wrist and took a guarded step away from her.

“My business is of no concern to you. You made that abundantly clear on the Supremacy a few years back. Now, let me pass and I won’t disclose your current location to the First Order.”

To his great relief, Rey didn’t make to follow him as he brushed past her and, once again, made for his ship.

As he punched in the coordinates for light speed, his right hand hummed as if a gentle thread of electricity had taken root there. Then, as powerful and bright as the sun, she was suddenly in his mind, solid and gloriously frustrated.

_“Ben, are you going to tell me why you were here? How did you even know where to find- “?_

With a great sigh, Kylo rubbed his ungloved hands together and closed his eyes.

_“Rey…”_

He felt her side of the bond hum at the acknowledgement, but she stayed silent.

_“Rey, please. Another time.”_

There was silence for a few more moments and then a small tug on the bond.

_“Fine. But I’ll be waiting for an explanation. You dented my new saber, you moof milker.”_

For the first time in what felt like eons, Kylo Ren chuckled softly to himself as a sense of quiet, serene calm washed over him. There were few things he was certain of in all his life and the resurfacing of these painful memories shook his core all the more. But there was one thing he was sure of and that was that Rey was now sending him a sense of peace and light through their bond and, for the first time in his life, Kylo Ren wasn’t ashamed to accept it.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a good week to finish. Mostly because I can't use my laptop around my toddler boys (God help me). I love them! I do so enjoy writing in this universe. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Thank you for the read! Comments keep me going. <3

  
A heart worth loving is one you understand, even in silence. – Shannon L. Alder

  
Chapter Four

Rey’s mind was racing as she stood where Kylo had left her; her senses buzzing as if electrified by his presence. Despite her logic, her heart ached in his absence. She felt the Force burn white and glow with a fierce purpose once they had locked eyes, and, once again, all sound evaporated. The blue-black night slipped away until it was just her and Kylo amongst a mossy forest floor and ancient constellations. The bond had been re-forged anew and it had felt like a declaration from the galaxy itself.

Kylo had disappeared amid the thick, blackness of night by the time Rey came to her senses. His emotions were still sharp and tangible through their bond. Confusion, pain, and…

“Grief.” She said aloud. “He is broken over Leia’s death.”

Even as she said these words to herself, Poe and Finn appeared by her side, blasters drawn, and hackles raised.

“What the HELL is going on, kid?” Poe gently grasped Rey’s arm and shook her out of her reverie. “Rey, are you with us?”

“Poe. There are footprints leading deeper into the brush.” Finn had forged ahead to clear the area and had, indeed, found Kylo’s retreating footsteps. Frozen to the spot, Rey realized just how desperately she didn’t want him to be caught. At least not right now. Not with this new emotional development and the bond’s warm, comforting presence filling her with a sense of purpose. She had to act quickly.

“He’s already engaged his hyper drive.” She blurted out the lie before her logic could sway her.

Both Finn and Poe looked back at her, dumbstruck.

“Stars, Rey. Why didn’t you tell us you were running off to confront Ren in the first place? You just took off without a word to anyone. Had we known where you were going and what you were up against, we could have provided you with back up. We could have the damn Supreme Leader of the First Order in our possession AS WE SPEAK! What were you thinking?”

Rey knew the anger was justified and yet she still grew defensive.

“Oh, so I’m supposed to run all of my thoughts and intentions by you first, _Commander Finn_? Your newfound status has gone to your head.”

  
Her emotions were so completely mixed with Kylo’s that she was certain she was about to lose all control. Clipping her lightsaber to her utility belt, Rey turned from her friends without another word and headed back to the shoreline. She could hear Finn’s groan of protest, but Poe quickly stepped in and kept him from following her.

“Easy there, buddy. Yeah, we missed a chance tonight but there’s nothing we can do about that now. Didn’t you see Rey?”

Poe’s voice should have been too low for humans to hear but Rey’s Jedi training allowed her to hear across vast distances and in crystal clear quality.

“She looks like she’s been adrift in the Unknown Regions for months. The kid’s not well.”

Rey bristled a little, but she knew Poe was right. She had pointedly ignored the woman in the mirror for months. Vanity wasn’t something she had ever concerned herself with in the past, so why bother now? Only, she had caught glimpses of the dark circles beneath her eyes, looking like the big, fat bruises Unkar Plutt would give her when she dismissed his advances or gave him cheek. The tunic she had donned regularly for sparring and meditation now practically swallowed her up. And her utility belt had two relatively new notches in it. When had she done that?

Suddenly, she felt Kylo’s end of the bond sigh in relief. He had made it back to his Silencer in one piece, then. Why _had_ she let him go? Where had that iconic rage gone? It was always just on the brink of eruption, and yet, when they had connected in the bond once more, she felt little if any of it at all. He was broken, yes, but there was no rage.

She huffed in annoyance and uncertainty and then tugged on the cosmic string that inexplicably coupled them together.

“ _Ben, are you going to tell me why you were here? How did you even know where to find- “_

_“Rey…”_

He hadn’t said it, really, but the effect washed over her like the first rays of sun after a long winter storm.

_“Rey, please. Another time.”_

Rey paused and looked to the calm, blue-black sea of the moon.

_“Fine.”_

Why was she being so accommodating towards him? The last time she had seen him he had literally told her she meant _nothing._

_Except to him._ She reminded herself.

_“But I’ll be waiting for an explanation. You dented my new saber, you moof milker.”_

The stars above her glittered in the cool, night air, and the sounds of the waves drifting softly against the sand gave lulled her into the first sense of peace she could remember feeling in a long, long time. Breathing deeply, she sent some of that peace to Kylo… or was it Ben? She couldn’t be sure.

**Three standard days later**

Tonight, Rey dreamed.

_Cold. She is very cold here. But where is here? What is this place that has swallowed her up in darkness and fear? Alone. She is so very alone here, as well. There are trees all around her. Have they always been, or did she think them into existence? What else can she see? White covers the forest floor in a thick blanket of… what is the word?_

_“Snow.” Her breath forms the word in frozen vaper._

_As she starts to move around the area, panic begins to set in and all she can hear is the steady beating of her heart. It’s loud and distinct. She can feel the blood rushing through her chilled veins, and it all seems slightly… off. Something is desperately wrong._

_“Hello?”_

_She called out. Or tried to. To her own self, her voice sounded dull. Almost like someone were holding a pillow over her face as she screamed. Rey cried out once more._

_“Hello!?”_

_Her heart was pounding now, the rhythm unchanged but now, each heartbeat came with pain. An ache in her hands, her legs, her back, but mostly, her head. Thunderous and mighty in it’s all encompassing siege on her senses._

_“Stay here. I’ll come back for you.”_

_Pain. Unbelievable pain. She whirled, glazed eyes desperately scanning the dark gaps between the slender trees, trying to penetrate the darkness. This new voice was one she knew, somehow._

_“Where are you?”_

_She started running toward the voice. Was it even coming from a specific direction?_

_“I’ll come back, sweetheart. I promise.”_

_“I’m here! Right here! Where are you?”_

_No response. She started forward again, running blindly, only to be brought to a sudden halt by a figure appearing without warning from behind a tree. One last excruciating lightning bolt of agony overcame her and then all went white._

_***_

Rey awoke with a tormented cry and found she was covered in a sticky, cold sweat and her head was absolutely throbbing. After a moment, she sat up and placed her feet on the cold ferrocrete floor, the shock of it helping to ground her more in reality. She had had this dream once before, a long time ago.  
  


No, wait.

It wasn’t a dream then. It was a vision. Back on Takodana, Rey had felt something calling her, pulling her toward it. Bless the young, naive girl she used to be, who had no idea what she would find at the end of the basement corridor or that it would lead to a life of dashed hopes, war, and loneliness. The moment she touched that lightsaber, Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber, was the moment that changed her life forever. Before that, she could have gone back to Jakku; she could have gone back to her AT-AT hovel and made herself forget everything. But that blasted lightsaber had called to her and she wouldn’t, couldn’t resist it.

Heaving a shaking breath, Rey got to her feet and grabbed an oversized cowl to cover her chilly arms, put on her boots and headed to the canteen.

Most planets they traveled to were never at a temperature that she found comfortable. To be truthful, if Rey wasn’t training, sparring, or on a mission, she was covered from head to toe in soft, warm fabrics that made every inch of her skin feel like it was being touched by clouds.

Here on Endor, though, in the middle of the dying season, the air was always too cold and smelled of rotting leaves, burning fires, and sea salt. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant and, right now, she was grateful for the cool air as it soothed her aching head.

The hallways were barren and there were no sounds at all save for the occasional snore she knew was coming from Chewie’s room. Even on her way back with the hot tea she had made, she could hear him talking in his sleep. Something about compressors and getting new escape pods for the Flacon. As she closed the door to her little room, she wondered how Han had ever gotten any sleep around that lovable Wookie.

“They slept in shifts.”

Rey spun around to find a soft-looking, sleep deprived Ben Solo sitting against her wall. She dropped her tea and called her saber, igniting it out of habit.

“Always so quick to fight me.”

In this moment, he gave her a small smile, and she saw Han.

Warmth rushed to her cheeks though this man was, in fact, her enemy and she had every right to arm herself.

There was a subdued tone in his voice, and it was only then that she realized he hadn’t made a move to stop her or do anything at all, really. He just sat there, staring at her. She extinguished the blade.

“You made me spill my tea. Strike number two.”

His eyebrows creased and he frowned.

“What was my first strike?”

“You dented my new lightsaber.”

Ben, this big hulking man-beast, _rolled his eyes_ , like an annoyed teenager! Rey was so shocked by this new mannerism that she wasn’t prepared when he called her saber to his hand.

  
He examined it closely, holding it up to the harsh light, turning it this way and that, looking at her and then back to the saber. Then he sighed and beckoned her closer. Obviously, she didn’t. Rey stayed rooted to the spot.

He gazed up at her momentarily, questioning, and then seemed to realize something she hadn’t. His voice was low and steady when he spoke.

“I can’t get up. I’m still in my Silencer and there’s no room for me to move around.”

He sounded more sincere than he ever had before, but she was still hesitant.

“Rey. You’re safe.”

And something in the way he said that, something in the way he looked at her, made her believe him.

She felt her lungs suddenly ache for air and she realized then that she had stopped breathing.

This man had left her breathless.

Rey shook herself, took a deep breath, and moved to sit on the floor in front of him. Again, the smirk graced his lips and then it was gone so fast, it was like it hadn’t happened at all.

Ben re-situated himself somewhat and held the saber between them.

“How did you make this?”

Rey thought that was an odd question, especially coming from him, but she answered honestly.

“I used the Kyber crystal from Luke’s, or I guess it was Anakin’s, really, lightsaber and some scrap pieces that I’ve managed to gather from planet to planet over the last two standard years.”

  
He hummed in response.

“And this is what you pictured your lightsaber to look like?”

Again, she frowned at him.

“This is what I designed, yeah.”

She was growing agitated and more than a little affronted by his probing.

“No. That’s not what I mean.”

“Well then, what do you mean?”

Without warning, Ben growled, grabbed her dominant hand in his and placed the lightsaber in it, wrapping his hand firmly around hers to strengthen her grip.

“Breathe. Listen. Open yourself to the Force. Feel it flow through you and into this saber. Does it feel right to you?”

Rey did as he asked and closed her eyes.

Breathe.

Energy.

The Force.

It began to flow through her. In her fingers, through her chest, into her mind, and then back down to the object in her hand. Her brow furrowed in confusion. The saber was balanced, sturdy, and made from the right materials. She had all the parts necessary and it was assembled perfectly… but it didn’t feel _right_. The hilt felt bulky and cumbersome. The crystal within it, though it had once answered her call, was growing quiet. It didn’t speak to her anymore. It felt tired and used up, like an old bantha being made to carry too much after too many years of hard labor.

Ben began to speak again, feeling her understanding through the bond, his was voice soft and calm and just above a whisper.

  
“Keep your eyes closed and stay within the Force.”

Carefully, he took the lightsaber from her and cradled her open palm in his much bigger one.

“Try not to imagine what you want your saber to look like but rather, what you can feel in your hand. Concentrate. What will make you strong in battle, and humble in retreat? What connects with your Force?”

Slowly, as if materializing out of thin air, a long, sleek hilt took shape. Perfectly balanced and made of a silvery white material. There was a design laid into the metal, like a filigree, and it glowed with the light from the crystal within. Her heart swelled.

“Can you feel it?”

“Yes.” She breathed.

“Yes, I can feel it. It’s… beautiful and mine.”

Ben’s thumb moved gently across the top of her hand as it sat in his.

Subtle.

Intimate.

Rey swallowed, her heart was racing, and her blood was pounding through her veins. She opened her eyes and couldn’t tear them away from their joined hands. When she did look up to catch his gaze, she found his eyes on her already, lips parted slightly, and his breathing shallow. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, a vile, traitorous voice whispered to her.

**_Monster. Murderer. Snake._ **

Instantly, it was as if ice cold water had been poured over her, and she snatched her hand away and made to stand at the head of her cot. Ben crumpled at that and pain swept across his face. But as soon as it was there, it was gone again, and he wrenched his eyes from her.

“I offered you my hand once. You wanted to take it then. Why didn’t you?”

Inexplicably, Rey’s chest tightened. She couldn’t answer him.

“Ben, please. I have a headache.”

“No, you don’t. Not anymore. I had one too and it was gone the moment the Force brought me here.”

He shifted on the floor again, as if he wanted to get up and close the distance between them and looked back at her.

“Why didn’t you take my hand, Rey?”

A lump had risen in her throat and her eyes grew warm and wet. She lifted her chin in defiance and to keep the unshed tears from falling.

“You could have killed me. Why didn’t you?”

Ben growled and threw her defective saber against the door on the opposite wall.

“Answer the question!”

A quiet rage bloomed in her chest and she stormed to kneel in front of him once more.

“Why did you come to Endor, Ben?”

He looked away from her, his jaw working hard and his cheeks turning red.

“Why would you be so stupid to come here and hide in the woods when the entire Resistance is raging for your head on a pike? Why?”

Abruptly, Ben turned back to her, grabbed her arms, and pulled her close.

“BECAUSE MY MOTHER IS DEAD!”

There was desperate anguish in his eyes, as well as tears.

“BECAUSE MY OFFICERS GAVE THE ORDER! HER BLOOD IS ON MY HANDS JUST LIKE HAN’S AND I HAVE NOTHING LEFT!”

He was shaking.

Grief was coming off his Force signature in waves. Giant waves that threatened to drown them both beneath their brutality. With a great sob, Ben released his hold on Rey and dropped his head in his hands.

Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she knelt in front of him.

This man, who had once been so cruel and so seemingly incapable of feeling, sat before her and sobbed as if his soul had been completely shattered.

Gently, ever so gently, Rey reached up to smooth his dark raven waves off his brow and tuck them behind his ear. His breath hitched and his hand flew up to her wrist, keeping her there. His eyes met hers and a moment passed between them. Silent and full of meaning.

Then, all at once, he was pulling her into his lap, burying his face against her chest, and she was wrapping her arms around his neck, her hands in his hair, and her chin resting on top of his head. And they cried. And she soothed him while he held her.

The minutes passed and their tears slowly wore away at the sharpness of their grief until it had dulled, and they were simply embracing each. Ben’s breathing had evened out and he was now all solid and warmth and comfort beneath Rey’s body.

Finally, he pulled away and looked up at the woman on his lap. Rey thought that, in that moment, he looked like the boy that had been neglected and betrayed by his family and not the monster she had come to know as Kylo Ren.

“I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.”

With that, she disentangled herself from his arms, his warmth, and went to her bedside.

She looked back at him and whispered, “It’s not too late” and he was gone.

Rey crawled back under her sheets and laid her head against the pillow. Cold. She was so cold, and he was so warm.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry it took so long for me to update. This chapter was, honestly, a beast to write. It may be short but I hope that it's effective. We will be getting back to our star-crossed babies in the next chapter! Bear with me. My kids have both been sick with the stomach flu for a week and only one is old enough to understand the importance of a vom bucket. **sigh** Send help.

Chapter Five

Aboard the Finalizer, General Armitage Hux had called for a meeting of all the top military officials within 15 parsecs to discuss the future of the First Order. Their influence had only prospered after the Battle of Crait. It was so easy to turn the public against the pathetic remains of the Resistance. Hux merely suggested they play the victim card and say that the destruction of the Supremacy was a direct terrorist attack against the leadership and the stability the First Ordered had brought to the galaxy. They may have lost their Supreme Leader in Snoke, but his death would not be in vain and the First Order vowed to never let the scum of the galaxy threaten its citizens ever again. Hux had been optimistic in the beginning. The small faction of the Resistance that had managed to escape were nothing but political riff raff. All of their leadership was gone except for Leia Organa and after years of searching, targeting, and engaging them, he felt that he could navigate their battle tactics with his eyes closed.

This was, as stated previously, shortly after the Battle of Crait when Kylo Ren had assumed the role of Supreme Leader of the First Order. Hux figured that it was the fury that fed his feverish work ethic at the time. He had tirelessly searched for the Resistance stragglers for almost 1 standard year straight. Interrogating countless civilians who had had even the smallest bit of contact or ties to the Resistance and unleashing his fellow Knights upon them if they didn’t give him the answers he had wanted. The Knights of Ren had proven to be ruthless in their torture practices and even more so in their combat abilities. During the reign of Snoke as Supreme Leader, Hux had rarely seen the Knights and never had governance over them. They, along with Kylo Ren, had been Snoke’s cronies. Carrying out his orders, retrieving artifacts at his request, and always reported to him in secrecy. All that had changed once Supreme Leader Ren had assumed control. Hux had found himself reluctantly impressed with his leadership capabilities, though he would have never said so aloud to anyone.

Now, and for the past few years, Ren’s political standing and his effectiveness had both rapidly declined. He and his Knights were hardly ever aboard the Finalizer which meant that any progress the First Order made towards locating the last dregs of the Resistance went overlooked. When Kylo Ren, himself, was in attendance, he would spend most of his time in the training facilities or locked away in his quarters. The General had made mention of his absence once or twice, both times had left him gasping for air and the Supreme Leader thoroughly irritated. On both occasions, the Supreme Leader had disappeared for weeks at a time. At the news of Leia Organa’s death, Ren had all but destroyed his quarters, taken his TIE Fighter, and disappeared without word to anyone.

It’s been one full standard week and Hux was at his wits end. It was time to act to have any hope of preserving the legacy of the First Order and maintaining the order that they have achieved thus far.

“Esteemed guests and members of the First Order Stratocracy. It has become apparent, as I’m sure you have noticed, that our Supreme Leader seems to have had a change in his priorities.”

There was an eruption of murmurs within the strategy room, but the majority of the officers nodded their heads in agreement. Emboldened, Hux continued.

“For those of you who require further evidence, allow me to continue. Over the past standard year, our Supreme Leader has gone missing for days and weeks at a time and returns with nothing to report. He has utilized the First Order’s strength and monetary gains towards his own, personal agenda. An agenda that Ren has kept secret from everyone within the Order apart from his Knights.”

There were a few cries of outrage at the mention of the Knights of Ren. It was common knowledge that First Order high command were all against the Knights’ newfound permanence amongst the First Order. But, as usual, no one questioned the Supreme Leader at the risk of losing all use of their vocals.

“Indeed.” He smirked.

“What kind of proof do you have, General Hux?”

It was General Cam Strolgot. A tall, regal man of about 45 standard years with salt and pepper hair cropped tightly against his angled features. He reeked of high society and wealthy, old blood. He had recently grown himself a new mustache and goatee and Hux hated him all the more for it. It took everything in him not to roll his eyes.

“Luckily for you, General Strolgot, I have prepared a detailed report of all of my findings and have sent them directly to your datapads.”

The entire room fell silent as, one by one, they all engaged their datapads and read over Hux’s report.

“I have surveillance footage and witnesses to back up each and every claim.”

“General, these are quite a collection of egregious accusations towards our Supreme Leader. What do you intend to do with this information?” Captain Kallav Juna inquired.

Hux smirked and moved to the head of the table.

“Ladies and gentlemen, for the safety and prosperity of our galaxy, I propose we develop a plan to overthrow Kylo Ren as Supreme Leader and replace him with one of our own. Someone from within the First Order Stratocracy and, furthermore, a non-Force user.”

An eruption of discourse ensued at his words.

“This is madness.”

“Suicide!”

“Treason!”

“A mutiny? He will kill us all!”

“Have you lost your mind?”

Hux simply held up a hand and cleared his throat to continue.

“How many of us have suffered both mental and physical harm at the hands of our leader? How many of us have been coerced into complying with his ideas despite our best judgement with the use of his mind tricks? How many missions have gone awry due to his unpredictable volatile nature?”

An uneasy silence descended upon the room and Hux knew he had High Command in his grasp.

“In the history of our existence, every empire of the past that has failed has had one thing in common: A Force wielder at the helm. I ask you, First Order High Command, why should we allow the few to command the many because they were ‘gifted’ with this mystical power? Why should we put the future of our galaxy in the hands of a Force user when we represent the vast majority of those who occupy the very galaxy we wish to rule?”

“The Sith? The Jedi? Have all met their demise throughout the course of history. They have neither improved nor maintained stability in the past, therefore, there has been very little progress to our collective civilization. It is time to change all the we have known for the good of us all. It is time to remove Kylo Ren as Supreme Leader and cleanse the galaxy of ALL Force sensitives. We must take back our power and restore order to all which we have worked so hard to attain. Who is with me?”

A deafening silence enveloped the strategy room. The only sound was that of Hux’s heaving breaths and shifting feet.

General Cam Strolgot was the first to stand.

“I will follow you down this path, Armitage. For the sake of all that the First Order stands for.”

Captain Kallav Juna of Chalacta was next, followed by Captain Zug Dimil of Chandrilla. Then, one by one, the remaining officers stood and voice their allegiance.

“Excellent. Let us begin.”

It was barely an utterance but Hux felt like he was proclaiming his victory to the stars themselves.


End file.
